Self-Revelation

Last night I had a great revelation about myself. I do not have my life figured out. I realize I have been pretending to myself that I know what I believe and where I am headed in life, but this time in training has reminded me that God wants me to keep searching. I need to learn to own my faith, and not just adopt the beliefs of others. I need to start from the most basic beliefs that I hold, and question why I believe them. Do I believe in God, the trinity, salvation and grace, just because that is what I've been taught to believe? I do not want to forgoe all my beliefs, and reject the church and the love of God I have experienced out of fear that they are not my own. But, if I want to have a strong faith, and be able to articulate that in my own words, I must search for answers on my own.
I have lived too long under expectations--the expectations that other people put upon me, but mostly my own expectations. Those have been all I've known, and I'm not sure what it will mean for me to live without expecations. For example, this time in RAD is a completely new setting for me. I am not a leader here, and no one is particularly following me. My teammates do not know me in the context of my acheivements, activities, or family. I am known only as much as I act, or speak about myself. It is hard for me to adjust to this, because I am not exactly sure who I am when people don't have expectations of me.
Sorry for rambling, I am probably not making much sense. This journey that I am on is going to be harder than I thought. It will be so much more than just a cross-cultural experience and learning about community. It is a journey of discovering who I truly am, what I believe, and where God is leading me. Already, changes are happening inside me, even if I can't put my finger on it now. By the time I return from this year, I will be a different person (just to warn ya'll). No, maybe that isn't correct. I will (I hope) be closer to the person God created me to be, the person God is still creating.
Please pray for me as I am on this journey of self-discovery (and through that, God-discovery). I feel that to do this will mean going through a lot of pain and frustration (which I am already beginning to deal with), but that I will find joy in the end. I hope it is indeed a Joyful Journey. I hope I will discover God, and be filled with thanks.