Living Joyfully in Thanks

After getting caught in a thunderstorm in Millenium Park, by the lake, and eating my Subway sandwich with my group while cold and damp, it is quite nice to sit cozily at home and reflect. Lots of reflecting going on lately.

Some happy things that have happened lately:

-a wonderful Thai meal at a restaurant I went to with Leah and Nate (RAD participants)
-worship on Sunday at Living Water Community Church, a Mennonite church on the North side of the city (wonderful diversity, sense of fellowship and welcome, and making a peaceful presence in the often violent community)
-news that Laura (my dear sister) is coming to visit this upcoming weekend
-beautiful fall weather!
-great teachers--this morning a session on the Holy Spirit by
Sally Younquist, pastor of Living Water

Now, some reflections

I am starting to come to terms with the fact that this journey will never end. I think I often see faith as reaching new "levels", as if there is a certain attainable goal. In the process of "getting there" it is easy to be frustrated when hard times do come. When I doubt or am in pain I worry that I'm not making progress in my faith. What is progress? What does a mature faith look like? Not having pain? I don't think that is true. Maybe it means trusting God even while one's faith goes through cycles of joy and sadness. Going into this year, I imagined that by the end, I would have reached a new level of intimacy with God, that I would have a completely clear vision of my life ahead of me, and that I wouldn't feel the need to question my faith as much. With this attitude, I succumb to the Western mentality of always needing to make progress and improve. I still do hope for all these things, but I understand that if I come out of this year in RAD still at a questioning place, that will be okay. I don't have to have my whole faith and life figured out. I want to accept what God shows me this year, and give thanks for the experiences I am having. Give thanks for what God is doing in my life, without needing to worry so much about getting somewhere. Be able to rest assured in God's love and call to me, even while I don't know what lies ahead.
My challenge is to find a balance between constantly seeking for God's call to me, asking questions, reaching for intimacy with God, while still taking time to listen, live in the present, and live joyfully in thanks to God.

Thanks to all who are praying for me--lo necesito mucho (I need it a lot) Peace to you all!