The Joyful Journey

Today marked my last day at home in the U.S., and I feel like I am at the edge of the waterfall of the rest of my life. Maybe that is exaggerating a bit, but tommorow morning Dad drives me to O'Hare in Chicago where I catch my plane to Argentina. I am heading into the unknown, but have the comfort of knowing a place is being prepared for me there ; I have a family in Argentina who I will live with (I will be living with a young couple who have a two-year-old daughter); I have the prayers and love of my family and church here, and most importantly the comfort of knowing God will be with me.
Last Saturday, October 21, our RAD group had a commissioning service next door to our house in Chicago, at the First Church of the Brethren. The pastor of the church (Orlando Redekop) gave us a blessing as did other RAD staff, and Jordan and I each shared about 5 min of reflections. A prayer with candles was said for each of us, and I was overwhelmed with a sense of love for my fellow teammates, and an awareness of the ways God had changed me in the short two months.

My mom was able to be at the commissioning, and then returned me to Elkhart, where I have been busy packing for 8 months (a headache, really!). This morning, my Connection Team (Alan and Eleanor Krieder, Marty and John Bender, Paula Snyder, and my parents) had a breakfast at my home. Yet again, I felt the presence of God, as I shared what I had learned, and was surrounded in prayer:

- Faith isn't about reaching a destination of perfect "holiness". It is acknowleding your weakness, your need for Christ, and striving to follow Christ's way through all of life.
- Being a leader is less about taking control, than it is listening, encouraging others, loving with the love of God. I'm not always meant to be in control.
- Church can be as small as six. The tuesdays and thursdays the six of us meant to pray for each other and spiritually guide one another were profound and holy. I also realized I can have a family away from my home family.
- God has a call for my life that is bigger than any of my ideas or plans. I just make God laugh when I try to plan out my life, because really, God is behind the steering wheel.
- It takes 3 1/2 hours to ride the Blue "El" (train) line from beginning to end. (Not the most important thing I learned in Chicago, but I sure did get a good taste of the city )
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Lot of learning done. Lots to go. And now, to bed. Yikes! I've got about 42 hours of traveling starting at 8 am tommorow morning. Well, greetings next from Choele Choel. Peace

my email address: andreakraybill@yahoo.com

After getting caught in a thunderstorm in Millenium Park, by the lake, and eating my Subway sandwich with my group while cold and damp, it is quite nice to sit cozily at home and reflect. Lots of reflecting going on lately.

Some happy things that have happened lately:

-a wonderful Thai meal at a restaurant I went to with Leah and Nate (RAD participants)
-worship on Sunday at Living Water Community Church, a Mennonite church on the North side of the city (wonderful diversity, sense of fellowship and welcome, and making a peaceful presence in the often violent community)
-news that Laura (my dear sister) is coming to visit this upcoming weekend
-beautiful fall weather!
-great teachers--this morning a session on the Holy Spirit by
Sally Younquist, pastor of Living Water

Now, some reflections

I am starting to come to terms with the fact that this journey will never end. I think I often see faith as reaching new "levels", as if there is a certain attainable goal. In the process of "getting there" it is easy to be frustrated when hard times do come. When I doubt or am in pain I worry that I'm not making progress in my faith. What is progress? What does a mature faith look like? Not having pain? I don't think that is true. Maybe it means trusting God even while one's faith goes through cycles of joy and sadness. Going into this year, I imagined that by the end, I would have reached a new level of intimacy with God, that I would have a completely clear vision of my life ahead of me, and that I wouldn't feel the need to question my faith as much. With this attitude, I succumb to the Western mentality of always needing to make progress and improve. I still do hope for all these things, but I understand that if I come out of this year in RAD still at a questioning place, that will be okay. I don't have to have my whole faith and life figured out. I want to accept what God shows me this year, and give thanks for the experiences I am having. Give thanks for what God is doing in my life, without needing to worry so much about getting somewhere. Be able to rest assured in God's love and call to me, even while I don't know what lies ahead.
My challenge is to find a balance between constantly seeking for God's call to me, asking questions, reaching for intimacy with God, while still taking time to listen, live in the present, and live joyfully in thanks to God.

Thanks to all who are praying for me--lo necesito mucho (I need it a lot) Peace to you all!

Being a part of God’s big plan for peace is both exciting and scary. Exciting because I know that God is and will use me to help bring shalom to the earth. Scary, because that means I have to sacrifice my own desire to follow God’s will. What will happen if I truly live a life of complete discipleship? What will happen to me, where will I go, how will I change? The unknowns frighten me, because I like to know what is going on—I like to plan ahead.
This year is one of those “unknown” periods of my life, where God is forcing me to trust in him. I can no longer rely on my own abilities and forethought, because I am unable to know what lies ahead this year. Trusting in God completely is a hard thing for me to do, but when I am able to trust, I know I won’t be going in the wrong direction.
I’ve been learning to trust God more in my short time here in Chicago. Trusting that I will be safe in this neighborhood; that living in community will be an enriching experience; that my presence at our service locations will make a difference; that I will be sufficiently prepared for entering Argentina in a month.

“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then, when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord.” Jeremiah 29:17.

This year in RAD is part of God’s plan for my life, part of my future with hope. I pray that in my year of seeking, I will trust, and find.

Last night I had a great revelation about myself. I do not have my life figured out. I realize I have been pretending to myself that I know what I believe and where I am headed in life, but this time in training has reminded me that God wants me to keep searching. I need to learn to own my faith, and not just adopt the beliefs of others. I need to start from the most basic beliefs that I hold, and question why I believe them. Do I believe in God, the trinity, salvation and grace, just because that is what I've been taught to believe? I do not want to forgoe all my beliefs, and reject the church and the love of God I have experienced out of fear that they are not my own. But, if I want to have a strong faith, and be able to articulate that in my own words, I must search for answers on my own.
I have lived too long under expectations--the expectations that other people put upon me, but mostly my own expectations. Those have been all I've known, and I'm not sure what it will mean for me to live without expecations. For example, this time in RAD is a completely new setting for me. I am not a leader here, and no one is particularly following me. My teammates do not know me in the context of my acheivements, activities, or family. I am known only as much as I act, or speak about myself. It is hard for me to adjust to this, because I am not exactly sure who I am when people don't have expectations of me.
Sorry for rambling, I am probably not making much sense. This journey that I am on is going to be harder than I thought. It will be so much more than just a cross-cultural experience and learning about community. It is a journey of discovering who I truly am, what I believe, and where God is leading me. Already, changes are happening inside me, even if I can't put my finger on it now. By the time I return from this year, I will be a different person (just to warn ya'll). No, maybe that isn't correct. I will (I hope) be closer to the person God created me to be, the person God is still creating.
Please pray for me as I am on this journey of self-discovery (and through that, God-discovery). I feel that to do this will mean going through a lot of pain and frustration (which I am already beginning to deal with), but that I will find joy in the end. I hope it is indeed a Joyful Journey. I hope I will discover God, and be filled with thanks.

Interesting Activities of the Week:

- Soul Food at Kathy's, a local resturant in our neighborhood here. Great food--smothered chicken, greens, mashed potatoes, fried corn. Very heavy stuff. Had to nap after that huge meal.

- Followed Mama Brenda (Brenda Matthews, our spiritual director)around on Wednesday. For her job, she performs poetry at schools, after-school programs, etc. With her poetry, she tries to promote abstinence. On Wednesday, she collaborated with five other poets at a middle school to talk about the reality of HIV/Aids, and the importance of abstinence. We also went with her to a high school, where she read a few poems to 9th-graders. I must say, the middle schoolers listened better than the high schoolers! They just wouldn't be quiet! It was amazing to realize how huge an issue this is for these kids. I was so pleased to see these adults (Mama Brenda and others) speaking so honestly and 'real' to these kids. Sex-ed at my schools was never this interesting and truthful as to what actually went on. Even though many people would say it is pointless to preach abstinence to kids who are already sexually active, I was inspired by the perseverence of Mama Brenda and her friends who want that to change, and are being a beacon of hope in the midst of a warped culture.

- Linda Shelly, who is the MMN director of Latin American missions affairs (I think that is her title) came and spoke with us on Friday about our outreach locations. How exciting to finally hear some details!! I found out that I will be in the Patagonia region (the southern part) in Choele Choel, a smallish city. There is an active Mennonite church there, who in very involved in mission outreach, and helping start new church plants in Argentina. I will probably get a chance to visit many of these new churches, missionaries who are starting new contacts, and visits to other Mennonite churches around. I still don't know exactly what my work will be--Delbert and Frieda Erb (missionaries down in Choele Choel) will help figure that out as they learn more about my giftings. I could be working with youth and children, teaching English, helping with cooking, and much more. The four of us who are going to Argentina will all be in Choele Choel, but will likely live in separate host houses (which I'm glad about--I'll learn Spanish better).
It is now starting to sink in that I am going to Argentina. Everyone in my house is realizing this too. We've all got CD's and books from the library, and I am currently in our living room, while everyone repeats the words on their own language CD. Spanish and Portuguese. I'm getting inspired to learn now that I have a purpose to learn the language. Once we are in Argentina, we might have a tutor to help us learn, which would be great, but I have a feeling that I will pick up the language pretty fast once I am hearing and speaking it 24/7.
I was a bit worried when I heard that Argentines tend to eat dinner at midnight! I hope I can adjust to the different sleep schedule. Siestas will be vital to my survival.

- Friday evening we spent at the Agape Community Center where we do service twice a week. It is a Christian after-school program/hang-out place for neighborhood teens. Every friday they have a special program--a combination of bible memory-verse contest, a time of sharing their dreams for this year's program, a Christian hip-hop dance, and singing. It has been great to make some connections with kids here in this neighborhood. I realize how different a culture I am in. Learning to share my story, how to be brave in meeting new people (as opposed to being scared of introducing myself in new settings), and appreciating a new culture here in Chicago is good preparation for Argentina I think.

- I took advantage of the gorgeous weather today, to go for a Sunday walk. I went to church this morning at Chicago Community Mennonite (a nice, small congregation), and then in the afternoon walked for 2 1/2 hours along the lakeshore. The sky was bright blue and sunny, the temperature a lovely early fall feel, and the pathways bustling with other Chicagoans enjoying the day. I sat stood by the shore at the Planetarium, looking towards Indiana. I fondly thought of all my loved ones, and said a prayer for each. I am looking forward to seeing some of you in my week before I leave for Argentina (Oct 22-27). Feel free to leave comments on this blog-site (that would make me happy), or email me. Chao.

Pic of us waiting for the El (the subway train):